the life of a joker

Is it true that relationship not only contain of love, its also contain security net and comfort zone?

Is it true that once you’re “trapped” on that comfort and security things, its not easy for you to crawl back, take a chance, lookin for a new relationship that make your heart melt down again?

i think, its true…

the good news is im in relationship right now

the bad news is i need to get out from the security net, the comfort zone, and deal with some risks

so listen, it was a week after the breakdown
and yeah..i think i manage it quite well
im doin just okay
and im handle the blow pretty well
i date a lot of people
and when i say a lot..i really mean a lot
im such a malewhore
im dating this, im dating that
but im doin it properly
but in the end of the day, in the end of all dates
it just remind me how lonely my world is
my hand have to keep write the sms
my feet hv to keep walkin
my mind just hv to keep workin
is just in order to forget Yvaine
cuz the be perfectly honest, im not ready for relationship yet
so ill just start my day with dates and hopefully the searchin process will be over soon
and that is the day i will meet my Delilah

dear blogs,
maybe they all right, i should count the blessings instead doin all of this things
before my precious came, i got nothing but good jobs, good salaries,great life and tremendous friends
im just few inches from the word “settle” with this socalled fiancee
lalu dia datang…
then i just stop count the blessings,curse a lot, lost my jobs and destroyin my life
if its love, then why its hurt like hell?
my precious doesnt know that…im broke, stuck and cant move anywhere
is it curse?
i believe i deserve a better life and love..
i always been good, yeah…i always been good this far
but not a single good thing in love ever stop by on me
and that is just so painful

my dear, its impossible for me to just leave u behind and just walkin away
tho how bad u treat me…:)
and i have to stick with my promise to you eh?
but one thing for sure, here’s the thing im tryin to do to get you out from my mind constantly

• accepting job as many as possible…bener banget,saya menerima semua pekerjaan dan sedikit mengaburkan rate fee saya sendiri.hehehehehe…ada liputan tv apapun…lokal nasional..saya terima saja.MC juga ok.sekarang bahkan, saya berfikir untuk kembali jadi guru.hohohohoho….dan nyanyi lagi…
• keluar sesering mungkin….if you’re workin hard then u deserve to play and spend too right? thats what im doin right now..kluar tiap hari, havin fun, travellin ke manapun saya bisa..sedikit mencicipi pantangan saya yaitu liquors hahahahaha..kembali ke dunia hedon yang ga jelas..whoops..engga koq..i made a promise soalnya
• stop hoping…..yah..ini juga membantu lho..trying to accept this condition,terus with sincere heart tryin to make you happy with or without me memang susah..tapi im on the process buat itu

huhu…..masih sering berharap adanya 24 jam itu, semuanya itu, kejutan itu dan kamu juga

ah, skarang saya berangkat untuk trans 7
doaian saya yah
love u dear
"cuz im the one that love you lately"

ps : sayang,singkat banget yah this thing…ga sampe sebulan juga
hohohohoo

do i ever ask too much from you?
i dont think so..
all i need maybe just a sweet and honest word from you
to cheerin up my days
but my dear, do you know that this things is just drivin me crazy
im tryin my best to be the man that u want me to be
is it possible for me to stay sane after it?
my dear, when my lips and mouth create a smile for you
sometimes my heart just bruised so badly
so badly until it felt like bleedin inside
but do you know that?
my dear, i dont have any pride anymore
i have actually nothing without you here
so why dont u just forget the world
lie with me here
and that will make me grace and embrace life for the first time
make me whole,purified me and make the simply…the most gifted man ever alive
my dear…
you are the world

ambil gitar *ngebayangin maen gitar*…

mulai nyanyi……..

"kau begitu sempurna..dimataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu
di setiap langkahku ku kan slalu menginginkan dirimu
tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
takkan mampu menghadapi semua
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

kau adalah darahku..kau adalah jantungku
kau adalah hidupku…lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu…
Sempurna

kau genggam tanganku saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku"

hayo…sapa yang mau dinyanyiin lagu ini?

To some people, to some lucky bastards, love is a gift, love is the most beautiful thing God ever created. fu<k, im skeptical about this thing now…is it possible, you will end up miserable, old and die accompanied by your cats? the thought of it is so scary..i lost love, i found love, i lost it, found it and lost it again…

to you..yeah you that is standing and smilling there, "if you said that you really care and im the only person that understand you best, why cant we step to our level of relationship?"

yeah whatever….

So this is november, its not rain yet and its really pissin me off
so im 24, and im not supposed to create this list of christmas

but hey, ive been workin like a dog in 2007, earned quite many dimes to feed me and my family.so i think i  deserve few good things from santa.
beside, ive been a good boy this year (well, eh…not so really :p)

here’s what i want for christmas

• A Portable DVD (ugh…havin a portable one, and watching the latest Nip/Tuck or that old Friends and Simpsons episodes are the biggest orgasm)
• PSP (need to ask why)
• A New Earphone for my iPod
• Few good clothes for my own
• some christmas and jazz Cd from Dean Martin, Bing Crosby or Ella Fitzgerad.dunno where, but mine is gone
• a person to fill this hole (hahahahaha…kinda fed up and givin it up searchin and diggin)
• a chance to go and spend good times with my mom.since jobs are so crazy lately, i dont have that privileges

yo santa, hear me out
stop listening to those spoilly rich brats.they got money that is larger than life.
its time to put your face and go listen to this boy
those kids? those stupid spoilly kids? those brats?
they got christmas all year long from their parent’s money
so i think i deserve it too
so fU <k em

some people just offered me a job.ya kerjaan kantor yang seharusnya im waiting for life as ive told you before.tapi kalo dipikir2 nih ya, im will work in office hours, monday to friday, no frickin time for gym or swimming and no time for relationship either. and for what?for a small amount of money
me as an MC, if i got 3-4 good job in a month, duit gajian gw malah lebih gede dari posisi manager standard.and i just work for like 3-4 days and got plenty of time for myself
to be perfectly honest, im enjoying the stage of life know
hidup dimana yang kudu gw lakuin sehari-hari cuman bangun tidur, makan, nonton film, brangkat ke gym, renang terus siaran.
Sabtu-Minggu, gw paling spend some quality time ama orang rumah, makin relationship, do the mall, ato kalo ga males keluar clubbing
its living in heaven man!
so to be or not to be?
ngeri juga sih kalo job lagi sepi, terus im gettin older
emang ada yang mau pake MC keriput?
the question remains, to be or not to be?

well, i know i shouldnt start whinning, but hey its my goddamn blog, so i can do mostly anything with it :p
its all started this day, just this day, when me and my co-host talking about the thing named relationship
its just knocked me so hurt, i dont have good and solid relationship for like…6 years!!!
ive been playing around these days
i always took for granted every relationships that ive got
i got this phobia again over the relationship, its a disease for sure
and its lethal for me
hahahaha
im makin my misery as a joke now
everytime..everytime..a good relationship is coming, my arms are so open wide for it
but when it moves forward and closer, i run, i always run
i dont know why im just so petrified over the word commitment
all i can do is run, leaving people behind me hurt and cursed
my feet is gettin tired these days
but how can i stop running
how can i overcome this disease of mind
and here iam, sittin in the middle of nowhere, listening to bleeding love from leona lewis, lookin for a good solid relationship but always preparing myself to runaway when the alarm of relationship ringin
im a love curse, a relationship disaster, and im in the middle of nowhere